If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
