I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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