I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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