then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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