I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
