question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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