aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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