shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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