you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
