Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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