im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
