Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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