So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm like, not good at living.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
