PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can't turn off my feet"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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