chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
