I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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