Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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