just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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