grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
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Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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