She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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