my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
