Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
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Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
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Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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