my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
