Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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