I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
