i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
