taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
