I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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