textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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