ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
