the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She told me I should be a condom model.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
