Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Are we still banned from the library?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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