So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
