yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.