I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.