Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening