I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.