I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.