im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
