Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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