Kiss
Puke
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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