Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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