too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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