I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
