Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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