is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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