apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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