and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
