You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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