it wasn't lemon gatorade
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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