which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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