Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
