my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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