Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
