i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize