I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
