I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
