dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
