hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
