You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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