I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
