i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
