I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
